Pinkie Pie bounced all the way to Twilights place greeting every pony she saw among them were Lyra and Bon-Bon.
'Hey Pinkie!" said Lyra
"Oh hey guys! What's up?" replied Pinkie.
"We're just out doing our shopping for the day" said Bon-Bon.
"We were going to drop by Sugarcube Corner later to pick up some cupcakes, are Mr. and Mrs. Cake up yet?" said Lyra.
"Eeyup they should be awake by now and you should try some of the cupcakes I made earlier this morning I bet they're still fresh. You'll love the flavor!" said Pinkie.
"Sure thing Pinkie we will! And where are you off to this morning?" asked Bon-Bon.
"I'm off to get Twilight and the others for a picnic we're gonna have later you guys wanna join?" asked Pinkie.
"Sorry but we're kinda busy today" said Lyra.
"Okie Dokie then see ya later guys!" said Pinkie as she went bouncing away to Twilights.
Within seconds she was at Twilight's door and as she knocked almost instantaneously Spike opened the door.
"Hey Pinkie! What's up?" said Spike.
"Oh nothing is Twilight here?"
"Yea she is but she's still sleeping I'll go get her come on in" Spike said as he opened the door and let Pinkie enter. She walked on over and sat on a couch on the opposite end of the room while Spike went up to get Twilight.
After a moderately long wait she saw the Lavender pony walking down the stairs.
"Hey Pinkie! Sorry about the wait I had fallen asleep late last night while reading a book again anyway what's up? You needed something?" said Twilight.
"Well I wanted to let you know we're having a picnic later today in the park so I wanted you to join in"
"Alright I guess I could come out for a little while but-"
"No Twilight you have to take a break from your books and go out and have some fun once in a while" interrupted Spike with an annoyed yet caring look on his face.
"Well..I guess Spike's right I really do need to take a break from all this reading it might just drive me crazy!" Twilight said a giggled a little. "See ya later Pinkie"
"See ya!" Pinkie said as she bounced out toward Fluttershys cottage as Spike shut the door behind her.
Pinkie was over at Fluttershys in no time at all. She knocked on the door but got no answer so she went 'round the back and she saw Fluttershy lying there in the grass Angel next to her, both of them enjoying the day.
"Hey Fluttershy!!" Pinkie said
"EEP!!" was the only sound Fluttershy made as she darted up and glared around in fright by the sudden presence of Pinkie.
"Ooh sorry Fluttershy I didn't mean to scare you I forgot I should never sneak up on you"
"Oh it's ok Pinkie I'm fine" Fluttershy said as she slowly settled back on the grass.
"I was wondering if you wanted to come over for a picnic we're having in the park a little later .say about and hour from now"
"Well sure why not I'll be there Pinkie, thanks for the invite. I'll get some sandwiches ready for then"
"Alrighty then! See ya there Fluttershy!"
"Now off to get Rainbow Dash!" Pinkie said to herself as she left Fluttershy's cottage and off to get Rainbow Dash.
you see what I mean how you can introduce Pinky's friends later in the story. this is a great example. this chapter was a much better read than the last one. I would suggest again however that you add more detail into whats going on and into how the other characters are feeling,seeing,smelling. again I'll say it, don't tell whats happening SHOW whats happening, I know it sounds like the same thing but think of it like beating around the bush in a conversation, try to tell whats going on by explaining as much as you can without actualy out right saying whats going on.
In the Wind Rises
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opts: reached 100
Lilyas has dedicated herself to making our community a brighter place with her vibrant artwork and infectious enthusiasm for interacting with others in our community. It has certainly paid off, as many deviants flock to her page on a daily basis to let her know how much of an inspiration she is. We absolutely agree, and couldn't let all that hard work go without recognition, so it's with great pride that we bestow the Deviousness Award for March 2014, to ... Read More