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December 12, 2011
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Chapter 5


After arriving at the park Pinkie Pie and Applejack went on to setting up the blanket as much under a tree as they could, which was barely anything since they had quite a big blanket with them. With that done Rarity and Twilight went on to getting the food and drinks and Rainbow Dash went on up to get the clouds set to block out a majority of the suns rays on them.

"Well that should do it, now time to get relaxin'. Glass a Apple Bourbon anypony? " said Applejack  as she sprawled out on the blanket.          

"Yea I wouldn't mind"

"Me neither"

"Cheers Everypony!"

"Really Applejack? Now?" said Rarity.

"What? It's pretty much late afternoon and early evenin' so it ain't too early either and were out here takin' a break from our jobs and relaxin' I reckon you should too ya big sissy!" Applejack replied getting a few giggles out of her friends.

"Sissy? SISSY!? I'm no sissy Applejack, I am a lady who just did not wish to indulge in alcohol at this early hour. However since I'm in the minority I too shall join you in your intake of alcohol" said Rarity as she accepted the glass from Applejack. After taking a few sips she then said "This…this is actually quite good!....Strong…but good! Big Macintosh good make good bits by selling this y'know, Applejack"

"I suggested that dozens a times but he just refuses to give up fearin' somepony might find out his "secret" ingredient but I guess he's got good reason since he does make the best and I respect his wishes"

"Well then I can understand I wouldn't want any of my Fashion secrets getting out for fear somepony will steal them"

"Hey! If you don't mind could ya keep your voices low? I'm tryin to relax here!" yelled Rainbow Dash trying to take a quick nap in the tree as usual.

"Nap!? Are you crazy!? You didn't think I would let you waste this amazing day when we could be out playing pranks on other ponies did ya? Now c'mon off of that tree right now you silly filly!" giggled Pinkie as she jumped up and pushed Rainbow Dash off of the branch she was resting on.

"Whoa!!…..Ugh… Pinkie!"

"What? I meant what I said. Now you come on or I'll have to play pranks on you!"

"Fine lets go and these better be some good pranks you got planned!"

"Of course they're good you silly filly!"

"Yeah I guess you're right you always were the best prankster besides yours truly!" said Rainbow Dash looking quite proud at the end of that statement.

With that Pinkie and Rainbow dash were off leaving the others in silence which didn't stay long. With that Rarity started talking about what new designs she'd come up with and Applejack went on with what was goin on at Sweet Apple Acres while Twilight and Fluttershy just listened and occasionally commenting on something Rarity or Applejack said. And they occasionally heard a scream or loud laughing from the surrounding area which was caused by none other tha the pranks of Pinkie and Rainbow Dash.

After Pinkie and Rainbow Dash had finished their pranks for the day which was toward late evening, they returned back to where their friends were still talking about things that mostly didn't interest them unless they were mentioned.

"Well it's getting pretty late so I guess I should be off now, I'll need to be at the Library since I've still got some things to do before I go to bed. " said Twilight as she rose and got ready to go home.

'Well I guess I better git goin' aswell I'll need to be up early to make up for the work I put off today, Big Mac definitely didn't finish everythin' we needed to get done today so see ya'll tomorrow then!"

"Well umm….i guess I should go as well, Spike must be so tired taking care of those animals. Twilight how about you walk home with me just in case Spike might need a little help home?"

"Sure thing Fluttershy I'm pretty sure he'll need it"

"Well I too must be off to get the boutique ready for tomorrow, can never know when some famous pony might drop by in search of something fabulous to wear"

"Well then I guess I'm off too see ya gals tomorrow" said Pinkie bouncing back to Sugarcube Corner.

"Well then now I can finally get some peace and quiet now that Pinkie Pie's gone! I'll see you ponies tomorrow" with that said Rainbow flew to the closest cloud she could find and within minutes she drifted off to sleep and into the world of dreams.

After saying their final good byes everypony went their own way back to their respected houses to get some rest and ready for tomorrow along with whatever surprises it might hold.

"Umm…Spike….are you here?" asked Fluttershy as she slowly opened her door puzzled by the silence all around.

"Spike?" Twilight called out. Then she spotted him asleep behind the couch. "He's here Fluttershy!"

"Oh…my…He must be really tired huh?"

"Yea taking care of these animals sure is hard work, I just don't know how you do it Fluttershy"

"Well all you need is a little patience and kindness to take care of these animals"

"Well patience is just what Spike lacks" Twilight said as they both muffled a giggle. Then Twilight slowly levitated Spike onto her back, then Twilight said,
"Goodnight Fluttershy" then walked out of Fluttershy's cottage and started walking toward the Library.

"Oh umm…Goodnight Twilight" and she closed the door, switched off the lights and then she headed off to bed.

When Twilight arrived at the Library, she opened the door as softly as she could trying not to wake Spike, but failed as the door made a loud creak that woke up Spike.

"Dang it! Sorry Spike, we really need to get that door fixed"

"Wha?...Where am I? Wait how did I get here?"

"I brought you Spike you were so tired from taking care of all the animals that you fell asleep behind Fluttershy's couch"

"Oh yea, try not to take so long next time would ya?"

"Sorry Spike, we just lost track of time that's all"

"Eh whatever, not like it matters much. Anyway Goodnight Twilight"  said the sleepy dragon as he half dragged himself upstairs to his bed.

"Goodnight Spike" with that Twilight looked around the Library and seeing that nothing really needed cleaning up, went up to her bedside balcony to admire the night before going to bed as was her usual routine. After a while she headed to her bed turned off her table lamp, got under her covers and within seconds her dreams took over for the night.
Hope this is good feed back would surely be appreciated! :D

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:iconklice:
Hello,

I like it so far, nice & short. But this dialogue line :

"Well it's getting pretty late so I guess I should be off now, I'll need to be at the Library since I've still got some things to do before I go to bed and I should probably get to it before Spike comes home and demands he helps, I wouldn't want to leave all the work for him even if he is just helping he does need his rest and I'm pretty sure taking care of Fluttershy's animals has got him beat!"

That's a little bit too much; hard to read and, I think, even more to actually say it. And it seems a little rushed, like she's trying to say every excuses that come to her mind to run away.
I don't know how you can rewrite it, maybe shorten it or split it in two sentences.

Anyway, keep up the good work ! (c) Twilight
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:icondrgnwolf:
and thanks for the watch aswell ^^
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:icondrgnwolf:
thanks for the heads up, now that you mention t it does sound a bit rushed XD so thanks again i'll try to just edit that part later ^^
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:icontrue-amateur:
true-amateur Dec 17, 2011  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Ooh... Smooth...
Reply
:icondrgnwolf:
That better not be sarcastic! XD
Thanks
Reply
:icontrue-amateur:
true-amateur Dec 17, 2011  Hobbyist Digital Artist
:icondashlolplz: Hahaha! What makes you think it was sarcasm?

The story is so smooth so far; no clashes between ponies, no plotting, no 7 sins... =P
haha
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:icondrgnwolf:
:icondashlolplz: i dunno =P

but thanks i'm trying to keep it simple since it is my first time so ... =P
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